Want Lasting Love? These 8 Tips Will Help.
Rushing to work, rushing home, rushing through daily errands, rushing to kid activities, rushing through dinner, and then rushing to bed to crash and sleep as much as possible? Exhausting!
How do we get unstuck from the daily loop of rushing through life? How do we allow ourselves and our partners the opportunity to savor moments to connect and love one another more deeply?
Well, if you find yourself stuck in your relationship right now with a crazy routine and disconnected from your partner. First of all, you're not alone, so don't feel bad.
The good news is that you can start today to change that pattern in your relationship. It just takes a few small steps to create tremendous results!
1.Express your appreciation for your partner
Create a routine. Once a day share a quality or behavior you appreciate about your partner and tell them how it makes you feel.
If you positively reinforce a behavior, you will get it to continue. This means if you appreciate something your spouse has done, he/she will likely repeat it, which is good news for you. This allows for a snowball effect of loving behaviors and gratitude that get bigger and bigger and crush any negativity either of you may be experiencing.
2. On a weekly basis, take your partner on a fun date
Create a list of fun activities you enjoy doing together. Every week, go on a fun date. Each week one of you will take the responsibility to take care of such joint activities. every week you'll switch.
Take her to see that movie she wants to see. Plan a dinner at his favorite restaurant.
Find ways to laugh together.
3.Caring Behaviors: make your partner feel loved and cared for
Every morning, ask yourself, "What can I do today for our relationship?" sometimes it's about giving a hug in the morning, sending a cute SMS on your phone, taking an interest in each other during the day, or going out together for lunch.
Give your partner at least one caring behavior per day.
4. Replace negativity with appreciation
No relationship can grow or deepen or survive in negativity. Negative words inflict emotional injury. Your partner needs you to be a safe person. You can’t be safe AND negative. You can’t be intimate AND negative.
Try this: Each time you think negatively toward your partner, replace the thoughts with three reasons you appreciate your partner.
5. Put down the phone- Be Present
Listen to what partner is thinking and feeling. Don’t judge. Don’t fix. Don’t even piggyback with your own ideas. Don’t look at your phone when your partner is talking.
Show genuine interest and curiosity. Try to simply mirror back:
“Let me see if I got what you’re saying. You said…”
When we feel heard, we feel valued and safe.
6. Practice replacing a complaint statement by creating a behavior change request
"You never"... "You always”
Replace: “You never talk to me when I get home”. With:
“When I come home can you dedicate a few minutes of interest to me...."
Ask positively and not negatively: Instead of "Do not ignore me" – Try: "I want you to see me”.
Be specific: Replace "I want you to love me" – Try: "I want you to tell me once a day that you love me".
7. Enjoy A Satisfying Sex Life
A good sex life is a hallmark of a rock-solid relationship. Sexual connection serves a vital purpose and a reasonable expectation within a committed relationship. Through sex humans reinforce attachment between partners.
Having a great sex life over the course of a lifelong relationship takes intentionality and dedication.
It is worth the effort because sex is the glue that binds you two close together. Sex produces hormones of patience and tolerance.
Hug each other once a day. For a minute. In silence.
8. Listen and express emotions
Learning to have a safe conversation can do wonders for making love last. If your communication is non-existent or troubled, you miss out on the opportunity to feel close and like a real team. With the right tools, you can end the conflict and increase connection.
To resolve conflict respectfully and quickly, use some of the following:
When triggered and beginning to become reactive, take a deep breath. When you are calm enough, state the frustration using an “I” message.
When you_______, I feel_______, and what I need from you is_____.
If still reactive and falling into a bad communication habit, STOP!!! Take "recovery time" by going for a walk, folding the laundry, or engaging in other activities that will help you calm down.