Why can’t my partner read my mind?

You do everything: you cook, you clean, you make his favorite food for lunch, and you plan dates he will love.

 He doesn’t do anything: he doesn’t remember your birthday; he didn’t get you a present for valentines and even your hints – “Dave bought Sara flowers” - he doesn’t get.

And you are angry and frustrated but when he asks you if everything is OK, you say yes.

“He should know what I want without me telling him”

Really? Since when is mind reading part of being a partner?

Why is it so difficulty to ask for what you need?

There are a few reasons:

1.I do not deserve it -You feel that your feelings are not legit and that what you want is childish. “Am I a little girl that needs her birthday to be celebrated”?

These feelings are connected to your care givers who responded with criticism and judgment whenever you requested something. As a result, you learned not to ask.

2.Difficulties with confrontation –You avoid confrontation in any price, so you prefer not to voice your frustrations and needs.

3.I want him to know without me telling him – We all have a hidden wish that our partner will know what we want and need without asking. When we were infants our parents knew what we wanted and responded to it, without us asking. A small cry was enough for them to know if we wanted to be bathed, fed, or played with. Why can’t our partners do the same?

The price:

When you do not communicate your needs, your partner and your relationship suffer.

You are not giving your partner a fair chance.  When you do not communicate your needs, your partner is left with the guessing game. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn’t know what. He cannot provide a solution, or he provides the wrong solution.

This leads to the following dynamic:

He is frustrated because he doesn’t understand what you want, and you are frustrated because your needs are not being met.

 What is the solution?

Ask for what you need! Communicate! Voice your needs and wants!

Yes, it can be scary, and it requires courage but when you communicate your needs and wants, you are strengthening yourself, your partner and your relationship!