Did you know that conflict around money is the second leading cause of divorce?
Sex and money are the most difficult topics to talk about and are the leading causes of conflict among couples.
Why is it so hard for couples to talk about money?
One reason is that money is taboo in our society. Culturally we are not taught to talk about money so there is no language around it.
The second reason it that Fear, shame, and vulnerability are often at the source of conflict around money issues. Fear that there won't be enough; shame around one's inability to provide as much as one "should;" and the vulnerability that comes up around those feelings.
She is so frugal
He spends like there is no tomorrow
Gwen and Ted fight constantly about money. They criticize each other all the time.
She thinks he spends above his means; he thinks she is cheap and doesn’t know how to live in the moment.
Why do couples have such different relationships with money?
The answer is that everyone was raised with different attitudes towards money, and they carry these values and expectations into their relationships.
Why do people get so activated when they argue about money?
Because money symbolizes so much more than only money.
Gwen grew up with a father who was constantly in debt. She remembers the embarrassment and shame when their house went into foreclosure. She promised here self that she will never live that way.
Ted grew up with parents who never spent on anything. He felt as if he was missing out on so much. He promised himself he would never live this way.
Their different relationships with money make sense: Money symbolizes safety and security for Gwen, she is worried that she if she spends, she will lose her sense of security
Money symbolizes opportunity and liveliness for Ted. He is worried that if he is concerned about every penny he spends, he will never leave his life fully.
Imago therapy believes that if Gwen and Ted will be able to have an Imago Money Dialog, they will understand the perspective of each other and will be able to express empathy towards one another.