The connection between Halloween, sex and long-term relationships
COSTUMES, MYSTERY, FUN, AND THRILL ARE ALL PART OF HALLOWEEN. THE SAME FEELINGS ARE USUALLY PRESENT AT A BEGINNING OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: BUTTERFLIES, EXCITEMENT, FANTASIES AND CURIOSITY.
But throughout the years the excitement fades away. Couples still have sex but the thrill, the mystery, the adventure is missing. Often, the closer couples feel, the less sex they have.
WHY?
DESIRE REQUIRES MYSTERY AND INSECURITY WHILE SAFETY REQUIRES KNOWING AND TRUST.
At the beginning of a relationship, you still don’t know your partner. You can fantasize, be excited and feel adventures.
The closer you get to your partner, the more you know them. You feel secure, you feel safe. These are great ingredients for a good relationship, but are they good for a great sex life?
Research shows that many couples in long term relationships give up sex, have boring sex, view sex as part of the chores they have to do or go outside of the relationship in order to feel that thrill and excitement again.
CAN DESIRE AND PASSION LIVE SIDE BY SIDE WITH SAFETY AND KNOWING?
Yes. There are a few simple steps you both can take in order to have a great sex life in a long-term relationship.
STEP 1: SEX NEEDS WORK -
A common believe is that because the relationship is great, your sex life will follow. It will not! Great sex life doesn’t come automatically with a healthy relationship; you have to keep working on it as a couple (and yes, it is ok to schedule sex).
STEP 2: STATE OF MIND-
The sex that you had at the beginning of your relationship may not be different than the sex that you are having now. What is different is the feeling. Your state of mind. You do not feel curious or excited, which effects the quality of your sex life. Create that sexy state of mind by fantasizing, by talking sexy, by sending pictures.
STEP 3: EXPERIMENT IN SAFETY -
Trust is so important when it comes to sex because we are most vulnerable when we have sex. The more you trust your partner, the more you feel safe, the more you are able to experiment.
STEP 4: MAKE EVERYDAY HALLOWEEN-
Bring back the mystery and the thrill. Dress up. Role play